Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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