It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
