he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
