I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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