so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize