I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
