yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
