I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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