You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
