remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
