I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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