Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
