I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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