I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
