I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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