i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I stole a fireplace last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
