he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
