i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
