I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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