Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
