She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
