Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
