My room smells like vodka and shame
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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