Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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