my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
