I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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