dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
