About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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