Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
