first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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