According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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