so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize