so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
