you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
