You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
