So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
