dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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