i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
