ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
