Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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