Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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