One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
