Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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