We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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