4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
