i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
