Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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