Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize