i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We had to coat check the pizza.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
