Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
