i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
