First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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