i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
