I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
