my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
