He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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