What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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