I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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