yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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