So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
