never play flip cup with pint glasses
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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