I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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