I have demons in me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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