A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize