No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
