ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
how drunk are you?
Several
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
