I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
