so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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