We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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