I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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