my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my being single is dangerous.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
