Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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