The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
