he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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