so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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