Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
