we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
