I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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