This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
