he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We're too hungover to prance.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
