I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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