those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
bring money and cleavage
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
