I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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