I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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