dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
