talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
