playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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