it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
