Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
