Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
