Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
