I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
