the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize