hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
