just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
