Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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