I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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