in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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