ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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