I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
