I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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