Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she smelled like a LAN party
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
