I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
