I seem to have left my pride at pride
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize