Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
