around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
