Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
