the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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