So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You don't make any sense
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