Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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