We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
