I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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