I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
