Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
