I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
