I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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