Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
